I generally don’t write the most personal blog posts, but today it seems appropriate. I just sent in my withdrawal letter for the Pastry Arts Chef program that I was to begin on January 7th, 2010. I have seriously been looking forward to this program and I am pretty sad about this decision, even though I think it is the right decision for now.

As it turns out, this gluten loving girl who dreams of making the perfect croissant, just might be a gluten intolerant person. And it sucks. I have a 50lb bag of local organic flour sitting in my storage room that may never be opened (at least not by me). Nor will I be spending my spring learning how to be a pastry chef.

About 10 years ago I was told by my doctor that I was likely lactose intolerant and to avoid dairy products. I spent 10 years doing my best to avoid dairy and becoming progressively more “intolerant” to dairy products. Eating out was a pain in the gut, because even when I did my best to eat dairy free food, I always seemed to go home with stomach problems.

For the last several years (since my so was born in 2007) I have pretty much avoided all forms of dairy and even cut back eating out to a few restaurants that were generally safe (mostly Asian foods: sushi, Chinese, etc.). And yet, I’d still have stomach issues that couldn’t be traced to anything else. And when I did eat dairy I’d get progressively more ill with symptoms lasting at a minimum two or three days to several weeks. And so, prior to starting my pastry arts program I decided it would be wise to consult a gastrointerologist regarding my symptoms. Perhaps he’d have a solution to my issues and I could once again (or for a few months) eat some dairy with fewer ill effects.

The doctor patiently took my medical history, asked me questions about symptoms, and declared: “It sounds to me like Celiacs.” I nearly fell off my chair! Despite the increasing awareness of Celiacs and Gluten Intolerance never once had it crossed my mind that gluten could be MY problem. So, the doc gave me a blood test and I decided to start a gluten free diet while awaiting the results.

A week later I received a call from the doc and my test results were negative.  However, I’ve met a few people over the years with pretty severe intolerance, but who tested negative for the most basic Celiac’s blood test. And, I’d been feeling pretty good on my gluten free diet, so I decided to give it 3 more weeks. If I ate gluten after the fourth week with no ill effects I’d be in the clear.

From November 5th to December 4th I was gluten free. Last Friday I ate half a dozen, delicious and wheat fill ginger bread cookies baked chez moi. By the next morning I was dreadfully ill. In fact, I was so ill that I am thankful it was a Saturday morning and my husband was home to take care of our son. And, I was so ill that I am reluctant to give it a second try.

For the past week I’ve been reading articles and talking to folks experienced with the topic. And apparently, one can have pretty severe intolerance, but if you continue to eat gluten your body sort of “gives up” and you become in a sense “a-symptomatic.” When you give your body the time to heal it then has a much stronger response.

And so, I started thinking back to my history of “lactose intolerance” and general stomach issues, rashes, fatigue, joint aching, back aches, and so on that I’ve experienced over the years. I can recall three times in my 20s that I was amenorrheic for 4 to 6 months for no apparent reason. I recall that when I came back from studying in Madagascar, where I ate a diet based on rice not wheat, I had stomach issues for months. I was tested for giardia and all sorts of bugs, but the docs basically said I had a clean gut. It was a year or so into this period of my life that it was suggested I was lactose intolerant. And so begin the area of cutting dairy out of my diet.

When I think back, my trip to Madagascar just may have been the first time in my life that my body had been able to recover from gluten. And when it was reintroduced into my system it made me sick. Perhaps, because I had been to a foreign country and had an incubating case of malaria  (ask me about malaria another day - its lots of fun too!) a little something like gluten intolerance, was easily overlooked.

On one had I am terrified that this is indeed the case. I love to bake and for the past two years I’ve been perfecting my skills and dreaming of working in a bakery. Someday maybe starting my own. On the flip side, I am excited. If I eliminate gluten, perhaps I’ll avoid weird rashes on my arms, I’ll have more energy, my moods will be more stable, and my gut will get down to the calm business of absorbing nutrients and not violently grumbling about them. And, there is clearly a huge market for gluten free baked goods, so perhaps my bakers dreams don’t have to die.

I am also horribly confused. Apparently diagnosing gluten intolerance and or celiacs is a far from exact science. Some tests are commonly know to produce false negatives. Others require one to eat yourself sick. And yet others are invasive. Meanwhile the general public thinks that they can “sneak things in on you.” Celiacs or those with general gluten intolerance don’t have anaphylactic shock when they eat gluten. That does not however mean that eating gluten does not make them very sick for days after the consumption. Furthermore, even though one can acquire an “artificial tolerance” a reduced physical reaction does not mean that damage is not happening to the gut. It can also result in reduced nutrient absorption. Consequently, Celiacs who don’t follow a strict diet are more prone to colon cancer, other cancers, osteoporosis, and various other diseases of malnutrition.

To keep it simple for now, I am going to avoid both gluten and dairy for the holiday season, enjoy time spent with family, play with gluten free recipes and not think about this too much. I may do one more gluten intolerance test (i.e. eat a gluten containing food) in hopes that my experience last Saturday was a freak accident, although my gut feeling (haha) is that it was a legitimate response. In January I will get down to business finding a doctor and looking at my options.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from anyone who has navigated similar waters. How do you figure out who to trust? How do you know if your doctor knows what they are doing? Why are some of these tests so invasive? And, how successful are you at actually eating a 100% gluten free diet 100% of the time?